Lovestruck February arrives....the time which I've love and hate relationship with. All the lovely feelings...the deep thoughts of happy times comes to my minds at almost every free moments. Just like Buddhadeb Guha wrote in "Khela Jakhon" <matha'r upor jeno kono ek ajana byathar shower khule jaay>...I feel restless to relive those happy times...which is impossible, and thus they make me sad. But Happy-Sad!!  Mostly the memories from my high-school days comes in mind first...the twilight-lit afternoons...the school-bus..those girly-chats...searching for someone special in this whole World...the happy face of my Maa back home.. having ghee-bhat with a begun bhaja or machh bhaja...everything!!! Nostalgia kills. Every night In my dreams..I see my Maa..we travel together, she calls me by a my secret naughty name, I feel her fingers on my forehead...Life is really beautiful She is with me all the time...whenever I feel down, I keep on scolding her in my mind. These feeling are all mine.

Then a day in February 2003 comes in my mind, the day I went to my friend's (now husband) house with my parents for the first time. We chatted very little but he made me listen so many love songs...I specially remember, "Khali haath sham aayi hai", "Chupke se raat ki chadar tale". I'm grateful to Mr. R.D. Burman and  Rahman for doing something magical that day in my mind. My parents had hardly any clue that this visit may weaken the heart of their rather reserved daughter. Then I remember the time we became best friends and me waiting for his phone calls in every 15 days...and once in yahoo Messenger Chat I came to know that the feeling was mutual! Oh God!...then I can recall my journeys from University to the Railway station station attending his phone calls and friends laughing at lovestruck me!

The moments of waiting for someone special in your life...how would he look..how would be his mannerisms...falling in love with your favourite character of a novel...these are the best parts of your memories... February just brings back those good old feelings...may be you are now settled...you have a dotting spouse of your choice...but, those dreams..or the memories of those dreams never fades. I think this is true in case of  every romantic sensitive women. Till date I fall in love every time I read a touchy love-story...the teenager in me is still alive. I can never forget the saraswati puja days at school. Decked up beautifully in a saree and watching over handsome boys in the school premises...those days were the only time when boys entry was allowed in our Super-strict girls school. And fantasising about someone unknown...searching for him in the crowd..!! Ohh...what times!!

Though we never celebrate a V'day, 'coz I feel that's a very kiddish thing to do...but I always loved watching over couples celebrating together. An entire day dedicated to love..the concept seems thrilling to me. But for me..my V'day is our marriage day :).

Life is really beautiful 'coz Love is in the air. February is really special for me.

I'm trying to console myself everyday....Death is an HAPPY EVENT, through this the Atma (Spirit) go nearer to its ultimate release from the turmoil of recurring re-births. Thats why ma is happier now and she is lucky to have this early.


But, again earthy sentiments come to my mind... she was so fond of us, fond of her house and her belongings...has she become able to leave all of them easily? God! make her mind free of all these affections, this will never help her. Only allow her to come to our dreams often...I need this desperately to lead a normal life. 


I can hide every emotions but this habit makes me devastated inside. Sometimes pain become unbearable and i feel like meeting her desperately ..anywhere, anyhow! beyond death she is there for me.. for baba! Baba has ended up to be just a living being, devoid of any happiness, enjoys and appreciates nothing, no positive feelings left. No change at all in this 8 months since she left! Whereas he used to be the most positive and energetic man I've ever come across. God, do something really good, really positive for him, so that life can show him a positive approach.

I hate arranged marriages, not exactly..rather,to be precise, I hate the arrangements that our society makes for the would be brides!! I hate the way how the girls have to give a sitting for the groom's family. Can a boy imagine that in his own house some outsider come and ask him to show the way he walks, or how good his hair is or how his hand-writing is!!!!! My God, its terrible...be it a smart, independant,educated girl or a village belle...every girl who is going for an arranged marriage has to face these kind of dirty interviews. I'm watching my sis and my friends are going through this! And after such delicious Meeting and Eating the groom's family leaves and if they didn't like the girl..they don't even pick up the phone or return back the pic of the girl.What nonsense is this!! Don't you think this primitive, ancient practice should be stopped immediately??

And these so called lucrative good boys/would be grooms pretend to be modern, they also have lots of friends and colleagues who are girls...can't they understand how embarrassing and insulting things are happening to these girls, and their God damn families are responsible for these nonsense!!! These nasty things need to to stopped immediately. Boys! plz respect girls and their feelings! You only can make some changes! call bride's family at your residence first, meet them, answer them...be a good host.Then take your time and after that if you don't like the girl.. send her pic back and ask your parents to answer their call with utmost decency. 

Maa..lost and FOUND

Back to the PRESENT, after a huge turmoil. Lost my ma suddenly. On 3rd Nov when we started for North Bengal...it was no where in our wildest dream that maa is going to leave us on 17th Nov. She was ill, very ill since march'2010, but not so ill that it would made us to cancel our tour. We reached Lepchajagat on 4th and on 5th, which was my birthday ma got hospitalised and by evening,the condition became so serious that we started for Kolkata on the next morning. And then....struggle continued till 17th. Her lungs had been completely dried out due to a fatal disease called Lung Fibrosis or IPF.
Now, after 3months, I got a present from God,i.e, I'm having my maa in my every dreams since 16th Feb. And those dreams are so real-like, such as I remain completely aware in my dreams, that maa is dead, but two of us are shopping or wondering around and discussing about her absense in my baba's life. And we try to figure out a solution. It feels GREAT. Thanks maa and thank God. And today morning...my  transition from dream to awakening was so wonderful that it left me spellbound. Today maa and I were discussing about baba, who is in Kharagpur now, and maa was telling me that he must be very careful while returning from Kharagpur........and just then, Baba called me and i woke up!!!!

Thanks ma...come to baba's dreams also.

Musafirana..a bengali ghazal album

I'm listening 'Musafirana' again again...the Puja Album of Srikanta Acharya. This is the first ever bengali ghazal album. I'm fascinated yet again. What an album!! Each track is equally appealing...soothing...tells of our deepest emotion.

Srijato, the contemporary poet wrote the songs.And believe me, they are just too amazingly beautiful. Specially "Esechi abar phire sekhane" and "Chhenra chithi" .

Joy Sorkar composed them beautifully...i cant explain, those have become very close to my heart, so I may be biased! But, those are truly amazing.

And Srikanta da...the man with deep romantic voice and gayaki, has again mesmerised as always.
So, as a result...its a fine cocktail of great lyrics, tune and voice...every music-lover should have this one.

22she srabon (Review)

watched '22she srabon'...what a Brilliant crime-thriller...I can't remember whether i have watched any in bengali!! The Red Herring is just unbelievable...hats off Mr. Srijit Chatterjee, you rocked again after Autograph by your own Storyline/Screenplay/diection and Dialogues.
Prosenjit mesmerises again, he is now only doing exact justice with his immense potential and powerful talent. God knows, being such a fine actor why on earth was he wasting so many years by playing only 'Possenjt'!! His dialogues were Jhakkas....bole to full of 'kancha khisti', but as for myself those were never seemed forcefully implied, his character was like that.
Goutam Ghosh deserves a very very special mention...he was sooo soo predictable as a Hungry Poet...i didn't know about these group of poets of 60s other than "Khudhar rajye prithibi gadyamoy,purnima'r chand jeno jhalsano ruti"...but now, the unbeatable Google Maharaj told me something about them. Goutam Ghosh has a Great voice, i didn't notice ever, his recitation was unforgettable. He is such a multi-talented film personality, other than a great director, who can forget his cinematography in 'Abar Aranye'.
Param was FANTASTIC...as usual with that rage, attitude and body language of a young dutyful police-officer!!
The last song 'gobhire jaao' sung by Rupankar composed by Anupam Roy keeps reverberating in your mind. others songs were good. Soumik Halder, the cinematographer, played with lots of light and shade, and did a stupendous job as usual.
Last but not the least, the main hero in this movie is the POWERFUL STORY and RED HERRING type ENDING.
Dont you dare to miss it. 

Mountain calls....

The first week of November, it is not too far....so, just like the other times, Mountain is calling me like hell...I'm becoming restless to meet Him..i began to day dream already about the foggy mornings, deep greeneries with yellow tinge for the coming winter, the greyish white clouds and the Magnificent Kanchenjunga in the backdrop...and the profound silence!! A tiny trail through the dense forest and the only sound is of falling leaves..sometimes a sort of  sudden drizzling...ohh! I dying to be a part of them.

"Brishti porhe ekhane baro maash, ekhane megh gabhi'r mato chare..!

Parangmukh sabuj naali-ghash, duaar chepe dhore,

Adhek leen hridoy dur-gamee, byathar majhe ghumiye porhi ami!

Duaar ente ghumiye ache parha...kebal shuni! raater karha narha!!"   - Shakti Chattapadhyay

11th Oct,2011